There you are in the pit of my stomach. Waiting there with all the sentimental treasures waiting at your fingertips. Not a matter whether good or bad. They were you, when you were here. And I find it so hard to let go, because that’s all I have left. I look out at the sky and find it so hard to believe you’re out there, somewhere, seeing the same moon and stars as I do. But no matter how much I don’t believe I still try with all my might to find you in that view. Even though, through my daily commutes I try and forget you. Everywhere I look there’s something to be remembered. I don’t know what I’m holding on to or why anymore. We are not what we may have been before. But there is something there, that won’t ever leave. Maybe that’s all it was meant to be.
Journal Entry: Twenty Seventh of December, Year 2015. 10:59PM
The past few days I feel my spirituality has been heightened. Just feeling very much connected to the universe and whatever has crossed my path. I believe the Star Wars Marathon we did last week contributed very much so. Yesterday evening, I decided to go through the suitcase of notes that I have saved for ages. My intention in doing this was to destroy the last of the connections I have to people no longer in my life. Let go of what was no longer serving a purpose in my life, and stop imaging scenarios where those people don’t even exist anymore. At least not in the ways I was clinging to. Just to be clear, this doesn’t mean I filled myself up with resentment, and this does not mean I will not allow re-connection with those people if the opportunity is revealed. This to me, was simply accepting that these people have changed, and I was taking an action of acceptance, that they are on their own paths, and trusting that whatever may come next is for the best. Some of it was very challenging regardless of a part of me in healthy demolish mode. Some of those things I was not quite ready to let go of. It reminds me of who I was, and the effect I had on people, because this I often forget. Later that night I went to my significant others. We had a very loved filled night, for once I wasn’t being bombarded with fear filled thoughts of my health, mental, physical and emotional worries. I felt like I had let go, I didn’t care. All I wanted to do was empty me and allow him to fill me up with his love. I had some flashbacks of other relationships, but instead of sulking in the guilt and confusion I just observed. Something was different that night about us. It wasn’t the routine we so easily fall into, blinding us to why we’ve chosen to do this together. It was a slumber that had finally remembered it could chose to wake up.
I left the next morning in a cloud of bliss, cranking our band, Sea The Sound. Rocking out in total admiration of what we had created together from our hearts and experiences, truly. I found that it has guided even me in times of need, and that precisely is what I wish for it to do for those who hear it. Driving down Glengary road, a huge bird that I thought was an owl swooped down in front of my car and landed in the grass, by the Eagle’s Bar. I was so awestruck at what I had just seen, I whipped around into the parking lot hoping to get another look at what I thought I had just experienced. There it was. A Beautiful, Humongous, Brown and White bird, with its strong black gaze and large beak, with the prey in its mouth. I sat there for quite some time just staring until I thought to grab my phone and attempt to get some footage. I did manage to get some, but I was really wishing I had the Canon with me. I got out of my car and with the intent of respect, walked closer. I found myself about 7ft away from this amazing creature. It seemed so unphased, so majestic. I felt power, heightened spirituality, clarity. I asked it for strength. I thanked it and decided to take the chance. I drove about a mile away to my home, the whole time speaking to it internally, asking it permission for just one photo to capture the love and power that was so immensely humbling. The whole time it was in my thoughts, the face of the Falcon not leaving my head. I could still feel its connection. My mind started to convince me that it would be gone when I returned, I could see the cars pulling in the parking lot of the bar. But somehow I felt that it would still be there.
When I pulled up, there were cars in the lot and continuing to pull in. But, the Falcon, was still there. It seemed as if the people didn’t even see it. The amazing creature allowed me to get much more than one photo, and I am so grateful. The last one captures the bird and its prey taking off to a new location. I apologized feeling like maybe I had intruded on its feasting time. On the way home I made a quick stop to do a Falcon Spirit fueled hoop dance for the Universe. I shared this experience with my Father and he immediately suggested that I look up the symbolism of a Falcon sighting. In short, it was a message encouraging me to take action towards my passion, be aware of your actions, take only exactly what you need. It also explained that extra help from higher beings would be available to help with current dilemmas that I may not be able assess clearly. Falcon Symbolism Info Here
I truly felt that this experience was clarifying. This experience is what I had been manifesting only a few days before, in my asking for clairvoyance, strength, serenity, direction. With the help of my Dad, I picked out 3 photos of the Falcon, had them blown up and put them in a giant frame I had found in the trash that I had been saving for years with no true vision for it. But this was it. My experience didn’t stop here.
I went to my Nana’s for the first time since she had been out of the hospital from a near death overdose. I truly felt that the Falcon had given me the strength to do this, because she and I have been distant since I was a child. As I grew up I became more aware of situations that have gone on within my family and am still searching for acceptance. She is a very loving, over-generous woman. But the truth is, you can’t help someone without them truly wanting to help them selves, first. My Nan was expressing to me how hard life has been on her this past year, how nobody knew what she has been through, how my sibling has really been a contribute to her stress. While hugging her and just listening, I was trying to put all of my loving and positive energy into her and through her, transforming any energy she was putting out into love. I love her. And I decided right then that I would keep trying this. When I stepped out the door I broke into tears. I felt the need to let her know she is not alone, and she needs to find acceptance within her self. I saw so much similarity in those moments between us. We let our minds rule over us at times and seek outward for acceptance. This is not where you will find it. The answer is within.
Thank you Great Spirit, for these humbling experiences.